Friday, October 19, 2018

With Pleasure: My Mates are My Muses

Originally posted on FL

Much of what I do with my partners ends up being written about, by myself, and often by them, when I've assigned them to. Doing this expands the pleasure for me in various ways, including sharing our experiences with others. This added element of the kinky lifestyle (and sexual orientation, in my opinion) greatly enhances my experience, which helps when the usual periods of frustration or inner conflict arise. Writing (erotica, sexuality articles, poems, and even songs) once again sets its place in my life as good medicine and helpful guide to passionate living, self-actualization, and community service. You know... The usual! ☺

Super gratefully, 
Amrita Waterfalls 


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musicianwriteractressvisual artist, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Monday, October 15, 2018

The Shame Chronicles: A Morning of Reflection

Introducing....
The Shame Chronicles - (where a kinky survivor of child sexual abuse shares her journey)

A Morning of Reflection 

by [Amrita Waterfalls][http://amritawaterfalls.blogspot.com] (Endowed Goddess/CX)

I woke up this morning feeling bad about Fet. Fet was the first thing I thought of (after my usual thoughts of the weather and my day's scheduled activities), and I was immediately aware of my feeling bad. And by bad I mean ashamed. Why am I on here again (I reactivated my account only to message a former and renewed play partner)? The background here is black, dark, bad. I'm used to starting my mornings with spiritual thoughts of light, visiting my favorite spiritual website full of bright, light-filled celestial images and equally divine spiritual music which I listen to as I meditate and write in a gifted christian devotional journal as well as another journal for my emotional life and progress. That's what I'm used to waking up to. Not a black screen, seeking red numbers that show me who and how many responses and messages I have received. I felt ashamed, and torn because I had a strong urge to check both my FetLife and email messages for responses from men I messaged yesterday. Having bipolar 2 and frequently experiencing hypomania makes me worry when I feel too eager to do something. It's hard to distinguish sometimes whether I am being healthy or not, and most of the time I am worried about nothing. Maybe it's perfectly understandable to be excited about hearing from appealing men. Maybe I needn't throttle myself with the guilt and shame that both the abuse and fundamentalist christian upbringing instilled in me. Maybe I'll remind myself that self-esteem issues are common in people with bipolar disorder, and maybe my PTSD, the king of all anxiety disorders, is having its way with me a little here as well.
 What I do know is that I recently made a commitment to blend my sexuality with both my creativity and spirituality, I haven't had partnersex in a very long time, and I have been dealing with/uncovering and healing issues of various kinds of shame in my psychotherapy sessions recently. 
I also recall having an article of mine on sexual shame in the former SandMutopian Guardian: A Journal of BDSM Realities, back in the early 90s. In it, I resolved the issue for myself, but perhaps, as with many things in life that have to do with physical and emotional growth (as long as we are alive we are all ways growing!), this is an issue that will come up periodically, or as in the case of someone who both has sexual trauma *and* is highly erotic and sexually adventurous, it will come up even more.
 I am all about the gratitude. After creativity, gratitude is probably my true religion or spiritual practice. It is also good mental and physical medicine. So, after soothing myself with relaxing thoughts to stop hurting myself with feelings of shame about being back on Fet, I started noticing and collecting things about this situation to be grateful for:

* I actually "met" someone who is single - wow! (Or at least he says he is,heh-heh!)
* I have an opportunity to write about this issue here, and about almost any other thing I want to write about - right here on Fet!
* I have met several significant and pleasant people here.
* My audience really appreciates what I do here.
* I met a very important mentor here and we are still in regular contact.
* I am grateful that with time, therapy, sexual experiences, and new friendships, my repressed emotions and abuse aftereffects are being revealed for healing and transformation. 
* I am grateful that many of the ways these issues are healed and transformed involve highly pleasurable group activities such as partnersex, kinky play, and writing for the public! 

So, now, as the sun comes up, clearing both the darkness of the night as well as the feelings of shame I awoke with, I feel content with my journals strewn about, knowing I began my morning as I always do - with high thoughts of love, light, and courage to do the best thing for myself, to share with others.

Thank you for reading, and be kind to yourself all ways!













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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musicianwriteractressvisual artist, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Thursday, April 19, 2018

Feeling pretty and smelling like a rose!

Feeling naturally pretty after wetting my hair and rubbing coconut oil and glycerin in it, thoroughly massaging my scalpery reggiones, then putting some concentrated perfume oil (rose) on the ends, and cleaning my face with more of the coconut oil and glycerin mixture - a combination that has kept my locs moisturized and low- breakage for years! (Sorry for the run-on sentence!) :)

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Saturday, April 7, 2018

"Express Yourself" Means Just That

"Express Yourself" doesn't mean "Express yourself according and in response to how many likes, retweets, accolades or other social approval you may receive." And it doesn't mean, "Express yourself only when it's safe and comfortable." It means, "Express yourself."

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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


I just soaked another towel...

I love laughing after I cum. 
I love hearing my man friend stomp around downstairs, watching TV, enjoying himself. I love knowing the cats are napping, and that, having expelled my womanly fluids I have added to my youthfulness and longevity, as the Taoist have taught (women expel, via female ejaculation, and men retain, a la injaculation). The life, it is good! 


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Thursday, April 5, 2018

Today I Soaked a Towel

This is yet another ode to the gracious powers of masturbation. (You know...the usual!)
So this afternoon I was watching a little porn and tiddling my diddle, in my daily action of self-pleasuration when I started fantasizing about real life past and possible future experiences in uber hot partnersex. Two fellows came to mind. I stopped watching the porn and looked up an email thread I had with one of them last year. I started getting very aroused thinking how easy it would be to contact him and schedule another get together. I started squirting like I haven't done in a long time, uninspired as I've been with life challenges and a supportive but not very compatible man friend. I recalled this fellow, and imagined he was lying at my yoni, worshiping it gently as I would have to instruct him in real life but as he did naturally and exquisitely in my fantasy.
 I thought of a new *boy I was considering and I got excited about that, and kept squirting thinking about him and what could be, and I thought about someone else I had spoken with recently whom I could have and still could hook up with. In my fantasies these men were all so close to the reality of my being with them erotically. 
 But then I came. As I lifted the now heavy bath towel, I laughed, enjoying the afterglow of my orgasm, and I marveled at home suddenly detached I was from any previous thoughts of desire for these men. 
 I was reminded once again of the value of masturbating to clarify one's mind, thoughts, and plans.
 Now, fully sated, I recalled the reasons I did not continue or begin relations with the men of my past.
 Masturbation keeps your proverbial head on straight. And yes, I can always go back and shag someone from my past if I want. But it will probably be if I haven't masturbated "on" the prospect first!

(*Under 40!)



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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Friday, March 23, 2018

Book Review: Energy and BDSM: Exploration of a Deeper Experience, by slave dragos

Reviewer: Cassendre Xavier (aka Amrita Waterfalls) 

***An excellent kinky beginner's guide and love story!**

[Energy and BDSM: Exploration of a Deeper Experience][https://www.amazon.com/ENERGY-BDSM-Exploration-Deeper-Experience-ebook/dp/B074Q3VJXM/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1?dpID=41D66-Ktq%252BL&preST=_SY445_QL70_&dpSrc=detail], by [slave dragos][https://fetlife.com/users/7450182] is a good book for a novice seeking both play and personal intimacy.

The author provides:
* A personal history written with heart, feeling, and compassion for other seekers.
* Helpful tips for safe, sane, and consensual play.
* Accurate advice for those seeking significant romantic relationships in the kink world, including advice on using dating websites and in-person fetish events.
* An engaging love story of how the author met his ideal counterpart, and what their relationship is like, both the kinky and vanilla .

I have been a writer, publisher, and editor for 28 years, produced, curated community cultural arts and literary events for 25 years, and judged written and spoken word poetry contests.
I've been in the BDSM/ fetish/kink scene for 25 years, and I am not a physical player as the author and his mate are, so this book was not relevant to me as a highly critical reader and different type of kinkster.
There are many changes I would make if I were proofreading and editing the book myself, and it lacks a sophistication that I had expected to match their presence in the BDSM/fetish scene (fabulous, glossy, professional photographs of their play, engaged activity and involvement with community groups, etc.). I was disappointed by that difference and by the lack of stimulation and challenge that I had expected in higher caliber writing.
But if I met a newbie who was looking for love and someone to beat the blank out of them for mutual pleasure, I would recommend Energy and BDSM!
Above all, it is a wonderful creative expression of the author and gift for his partner and our kinky community. Recommended!
(I recommend this book as:
* A beginner's guide to the BDSM/fetish community.
* A guide for dating in the BDSM/fetish world.
* A Valentine's Day present between kinksters.)



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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com