Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Microcosm of Life: FetLife & The Choice to Love It

FetLife is a microcosm of life to me in several ways. I think because it is a concentration of a small segment of the general population, I have intense experiences here. FetLife is "life concentrate" to me in some ways, probably also because I am an introvert and there is so much contact here.
 It seems to me I am being presented with a choice to actively love FetLife. It will and does disappoint, frustrate, and annoy me. It doesn't have "the (one) answer" and it won't fix all of my problems. Like people and like life itself, it just wants to be loved, consistently and with discernment and discipline when needed, but without rash or harsh judgment.
 I imagine if I choose to love FetLife or the community here, I will expand that love and dedication outward. I may find I am more loving, gentle, patient and forgiving with others, and with myself. 
 I don't know why I am the way I am or what FetLife will do for me but I do know there is a chance for good things to happen, if I let and help them be, instead of frighten them away.
 There is a lot of fear in me and I can choose other options. Perhaps this is a good place to learn and perhaps teach through sharing and encouragement. 

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My links:

MUSIC
* [Music downloads][http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre]
* [Music "listening room"][http://cassendrexavier.bandcamp.com]

WRITING
* [Wisdom Magazine articles][http://tinyurl.com/CXWisdom]

YOUTUBE 

SOCIAL NETWORKING
 
FOR PATRONS & SUPPORTERS
* Checks and money orders may be mailed to a Philadelphia address (address and Payable To information available upon requestation). My Patrons become my pen pals, and I also welcome moneyless cards and letters of support and appreciation!

  To my patrons and supporters: I consider myself a multi-media healing artist, and I thank you for your continued support of my art/work, and therefore, life!





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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Thursday, October 5, 2017

Young, Naked Guys and their Cocks

What I think when I see pics of young (20s) naked guys and their cocks is: 

(Feeling annoyed and somewhat threatened):

"Yeah. That's nice. Now why don't you go out there and make some humyns?"

Dick does nothing for me.
Unless it's attached to an unattached, mature man that I love.
Absolutely nothing, except annoy and threaten me. 
That's why I hate cock pics. 

I love men. Cocks just happen to come with the package, but cocks are entirely unnecessary to me for the most part.


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Orgasm and Possession

A sweetie told me on our most recent date that he would like me to stay in our embrace when I climax, instead of disengaging. 
 We have been seeing one another for well over a year and are very affectionate physically and emotionally as well as close intellectually. In other words we have a certain level of intimacy. 
 But until he mentioned it I hadn't considered my immediate disengaging a problem because it's what I have always done (the sensations of orgasm are so intense that I usually like to separate until everything has calmed down), and because I had muchly improved as time passed with us and we became more intimate emotionally. Now, soon after disengaging I reach for or clasp him to me for a close embrace. I used to move clear across the bed and even put a wall of pillows between us!
 I have always kept my orgasms to myself, and sometimes I have even avoided orgasm altogether because I didn't want to "give" the persun that, or be vulnerable with him.
 I think there are also different kinds of sex, and if I had more of what I call PVI (penile-vaginal intercourse)" I might consider being held continuously from climax through cool-down. 
 But my sex is receiving oral and something about doing the climax through cool-down thing with my partner's face all up in my pumpum feels incredibly threatening.

So my questions are:

* 1) Do you liken orgasm with giving your power away?
* 2) Is there a correlation between how close you are with a partner and how you experience your orgasms with them? 

Thanks for thinking about it, and I look forward to reading and responding to your answers!



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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Monday, October 2, 2017

Too Much for One Man (Polyamory)

There are two types of lovers in this world: those who seek to be picked up, and those who do the picking up. I have always been the latter.
 It's a combination of my authentic personality plus my sexual trauma history - I need to be the chooser. I often feel threatened by men coming on to me, or annoyed and turned off at best. I cannot stand over-confident men, which even goes into the nationalities I am most or least attracted to. 
 The poly world is very friendly to bold and sassy female types who enjoy flirting. 
 Another thing I was thinking recently about why poly works for me is because I'm an intense woman with a lot of energy. The reason I do well in poly love is because I easily navigate and organize multiple relationships. 
 When I was in my teens and early 20s, it was challenging to deal with my intensity in one on one relationships. I was socially reared to play hard to get and be mostly unavailable to my one boyfriend at a time. It was very difficult to not call and just wait and say no to dates I wasn't asked on with enough notice.
 My intense focus was too much for some men I attempted to date, and I felt bad about myself for not behaving "better."
 But in my late 20s I embraced my true self and subsequently found kinky freaky nice folks I could play and have relationships with.
 I find now, at 48, with a busy schedule and several relationships of various kinds, I find my attention level is just right, perfect, and exactly what I was socially taught that men like: just enough and not too much. I am too busy with my schedule to over-focus on one man, and men love that shit!
 And I am too focused on other men to over-focus on one. When it is time to manifest a different kind of relationship, monogamous or not, then this dynamic will change. 
 But for now, I and my lucky partners, servants, and playmates, are perfectly, imperfectly happy!


Tags: polyamorous, poly, non-monogamous, monogamy,  Kamala, Devi


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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Wednesday, September 27, 2017

I take my sex very seriously

I take my sex very seriously.
That's why:

* I didn't fuck till it was right. And apparently it wasn't gonna be right till I was in my 30s!
* It takes me weeks to screen a partner, whom I process like an applicant.
* Most of my casual hook-ups become significant, often long relationships.
* I have gone long periods without partnership, because I would rather wait for good sex than settle for less.

Sex, good and often even great sex is a big, wonderful and essential part of my life. 
 It fuels my creativity, gives me strength for my dreams, and provides an outlet for me to add more love love and joy to the world via the works my sexual energy and output produce.

Long live the orgasm!






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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Tuesday, August 22, 2017

I'm becoming one of those chyks

The ones who demand money up front
For the room deposit
The ones who have wishlists

I'm putting out so much value
I'm becoming more in demand

And there are becoming more and more
time wasters
Who just want to talk
and maybe make plans
That they maybe follow through on

And maybe not

The thing is I've been spoiled
For the most part and I mean 95%
My screening system has yielded only good guys
Super compatible, mature, professional
Reliable

Since that's what I've been used to
I haven't asked for much
And since I wasn't doing much here other than
Being myself with my profile
I didn't generate such an overwhelming
Amount of response

But now.
Now things are different.
Now I need limits
Now I've said to two men in one day:

Pay me first
Nothing happens
Until the room is paid for

Nothing continues
Until you have deposited funds
For the time and attention I so generously give
Without thinking

Enough

I will continue to enjoy being a sweet
and generous girl
A wet wild woman ready for pleasure

But from now on
You will pay

Monday, August 21, 2017

100 Questions

So I did this silly little survey in case someone would think it would be fun to read/ Enjoy and click the link at the end if you would like to do one as well :)

Name?: It depends
Nicknames?: It depends
Age?: Quite youthful 48
Single/Taken?: Polyamorous 
Are you happy with that?: Yes
How many kids do you want to have?: None at this time
What would you name them?: N/A
Do you have a best friend?: Close friend
Are they a guy/chick?: Male
Do they like you more than a friend?: It's coomplicated
Do you drink?: No
Do you like to party?: No
Do you smoke?: No
What do you smoke?: Nothing
Have you ever been in LOVE?: Yes
Do you believe in love?: Yes
Have you ever had your heart broken?: Yes
Who was your last boyfriend/girlfriend?: My current nesting companion
Are you happy that you are no longer together?: We still are, in a sense
Do you hate him/her for that?: Mixed feelings
What is your favortie band/singer?: Sade
What is your favorite song?: My song "Run to You"
What is your favorite movie?: Flashdance
What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?: butter anything with the nuts picked out
What is your favorite color?: fuchsia
Who is your best friend?: Myself
Do you know everything about them?: Hardly!
How many siblings do you have?: Classified
Are you happy with that?: Yep
What are you listening to right now?: TV
What was your last drink?: water
Who was your last kiss?: My nesting companion
Who was your last hug from?: nesting companion
What is your favorite food?: mangoes
Do you have more guy/girl friends?: I don't have friends, I have submissives, partners,colleagues, and creative collaborators, etc
Would you date any of your friends?: My lovers are my friends
Is this survey getting on your nerves?: Not really :)
What was the last thing you watched on T.V?: Snapped
Do you know who E.T is?: Yes
Do you believe in aliens?: A little
Do you believe that all cheaters will always be cheater?: Yes
Do you believe in dying becasue of lost love?: Not clear enough a question
Have you ever had someone close to you die?: Yes
What was his/her name?: There have been several
How did you know one another?: We met various ways
Have you ever "Jump shake your booty, Jump, Jump shake your booty"?: Nnnnnnope!
What kind of cell phone do you have?: ZTE Android
Who was your last txt from?: My nesting companion
Your second?: ?
Your fifth?: ?
Your ninth?: ?
What did you last txt say?: No
Your second?: ?
Your fifth?: ?
Your ninth?: ?


One or the other...not both...

pepsi/coke?: Pepsi
white/cream chocolate?: white/cream
love/lost?: love
money/love?: love
friends/money?: friends
family/friends?: friends
pens/pencils?: pens
Hawthorne Heights/Atreyu?: ?
Lindsay Lohan/Hilary Duff?: Neither
All Time Low/AFI?: ?
computer/music?: computer
camera/computer?: computer


RANDOM!!!

last person you slept with?: My nesting companion 
last person you ate with?: nesting companion
last person you hit?: I don't hit people
last person you cried over?: My late partner
last person you hugged?: nesting companion
last person you kissed?: nesting companion
last person you said "I LOVE YOU" to?: Myself, hugging in the mirror
did you mean it?: Heavens yes!
probably not right?: Wrong, I did mean it
last relationship lasted?: Still in it - over a year
last hookup lasted?: Same thing - over a year
last party was where?: Several years if at all


ONE WORD...to describe...

last party was:: nonexistent
band:: Mine
needles:: sharp
spaghetti:: yummy
flyleaf:: ?
senses fail:: ?
ll cool j:: smart
rap:: revolutionary
rock:: cool
metal:: cold
love:: essential
relationships:: valuable
school:: education
work:: --
cell phones:: --
boyfriend/girlfriend/alone:: partners
this survey:: --
friends:: chosen




--
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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com