Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Don’t Tease Me

One of the biggest and great things about the BDSM lifestyle is how much you can learn about yourself in it. Something about it being such a concentrated experience of pleasure and exploration makes your truest self almost have to rise to the surface, whether you think you're controlling it or not. You can discover things about yourself you had no idea was in there, and you can also find out you have a larger capacity for pleasure than you thought you did. (Or capacity for pain, for that matter!)
 Recently I found out something about myself: I hate being teased. I really don't like it.
 I never had to deal with too much of it because I'm so demanding sexually (and it took me til I was 46 to find out I was sexually Dominant!), that I simply haven't allowed a partner to continue doing whatever he's doing to slow down my buzz. The only slight exception is my late partner TT, who I now realize was my Daddy. I was more submissive with and/or giving to him because of his caretaking nature. I also allowed him to delay my orgasms because I knew he enjoyed pleasuring me so much, and I didn't want to deny him that. When someone gives you a lot (in this case, comfort, semi-security (no such thing as security outright), and pleasure, you tend to want to give them a lot in return.
 But other than that, I hate being teased. I hate it. I don't know why. I think it's maybe just my impatience, or the fact that when I'm receiving sexual pleasure, I just want to keep receiving it. Ohhhh! I just had a breakthrough!!!! I want to control when I cum!

When I am receiving pleasure (and by the way, I'm a multi-orgasmic squirter whose primary sex is receiving oral for hours. I'm a pillow Queen, not princess, and can go on for several hours, with breaks for rest or food), I choose how fast, slow, or medium my arousal is. I can either get off within 20 minutes of receiving oral, then take a break and do it again in the next couple of hours - this time taking longer. Or I can go slow from the very beginning. I know how to slow it down - I simply switch up the action. I might stop the cunnilingus and flip over for rimming. That will calm down and soften my clit a little bit. Similar to the guy's version of calming his erection to give his partner more prolonged pleasure. Men think of baseball - I flip onto my tummy for my partner to lick my asshole.
 Or, I may start to rub my inner thighs on the sides of his face, or as I do with My slave 2, run my toes through his hair, or otherwise involve my legs and feet…This prolongs the play and slows me down so I don't cum more quickly than I want to.
 I may present my armpits for my partner to lick, sniff and kiss. With the right guy I may busy myself pleasuring the both of us with his cock in my mouth.
 All of these and more are some ways I choose to slow down my arousal and prolong my orgasm until I'm good and ready for it.
 And that's the diff and the rub: I am choosing it. My choice. Me.
 That's why it doesn't feel like teasing. I'm controlling it. So it feels good.
I think it's an extension and expression of My Natural Dominance that I have only in the last year or so discovered I also have in the bedroom (who knew?!). I don't like being teased because it takes away my tendency to want to control how I experience sex. I know how I want to feel, what I want to feel, for how long I want to feel it.
 A partner is free to improvise so long as it doesn't affect my control of the pace of my arousal. Since my partner doesn't know what that is, it's best for me to lead it. And that can't happen if there's obvious, prolonged teasing going on.
 I'm not talking about when My slave 2 goes down on me in what he and I call "Zen" style, and is enjoying himself so much I actually start experiencing it as teasing. That's not teasing. I'm talking about a lover on purpose licking and sucking my nipples, running his fingers up and down my arms, and doing everything he possibly can to prolong the main event, which is planting his fucking mouth where it belongs - clamped right over my pussy! That's where it should be, so any delay is completely unacceptable!

I'm not saying I want a hello, handshake, and then lips wrapped around my clit. I'm saying I want to get in bed, do some full body contact, then have my body stroked a bit, nipples sucked, then kissed from there to the main event, and then it's on. That's the script, Daddy O! I'll take it from there!

I realized another kind of teasing I dislike: Flirtatious and flattering comments from men who are either too far away to meet OFFline, and also from men who are not available to otherwise ("taken" as the non-polyamorous say).
 When I start getting really nice comments on my pics, videos and writings, I pay attention and go to their profile. If they're far ass away, I'm all disappointed. If they're not available, again - bummed.
 I think I know why I do this. It's something else I learned about myself through BDSM recently:
 I'm a creator. That means I make things happen. I don't just sit on the sidelines and hope and wait and wish and then hope and wait again.
 I think a lot of people on xhamster and FetLife like to just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.
 I like to write and fuck and make beauty and write and make music and make love and write and enjoy life and work and sleep and eat and make love and enjoy orgasms and write and write and write some more. And by writing I don't mean comments on people's profiles and other content.
 I mean writing here, there, and everywhere other eyes can read my words and be positively stimulated, hopefully titillated, and definitely inspired.
 I aim to uplift, from the heart and soul to the mind and gonads. Uplifting can be an erection, of penile, clitoral, or nipple tissue. It's all the same.

I still welcome positive comments from far away admirers. Just letting you know how I feel about the situation and that I don't like to be teased :)

So, that's why I don't engage in messaging, cam, chat, kik, or skype. Because there's such a thing as Craiglist and FetLife, where I can meet people in real life to enjoy the way people far away and otherwise unavailable comment that they wish they could.

Cruel, and beautiful life. Perfect setting for the kinkster! 😋

© 2016 by Amrita Waterfalls (aka Endowed Goddess). All rights reserved.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

When You Love a Thing

Dear Amrita Waterfalls Readers!

It just occurred to me that I don't have to wait until I've had a formal essay or diary entry completed, or have prepared a book excerpt to post here - that perhaps it might be a good idea to just say hello from time to time. I check this account several times a day and there's no sign of that except the tiny bit of occasional correspondence I do.

Remember, my favorite mode of contact is through commenting on my wall. And my favorite way to hear from you, my audience, is from comments on my content here (pics, writings, videos).

Please don't be offended if I don't use this site as many others do. I have a very busy schedule and spend most of my energy on that and on my personal and professional relationships.

However, that includes that which I have with my readership and also my musical listening audience (I'll include relevant links at the end of this message...)

So, let's see... What do I want to say today?

I think when you love something, you have more patience with it than you would with anything else, and you fight and push and struggle sometimes with it, whereas with something else, you would've thrown in the towel long ago.

I think this is how I feel about xhamster and FetLife - to whom I am addressing (as well as sending a copy to my erotic blog:

I have so much going on in my life right now - so much. I am working on some serious goals, and making progress all the time, and I deal with a pretty severe mood disorder plus trauma aftereffects that make every day life pretty darn challenging. Just being around people is a major pain in mine arsal reggiones these days, and because of how my life is structured right now, I'm around a lot of people every. Single. Day.  I hate it.

This is why I so love my solitude, and the few hours a week or month I get to spend with a lover, playmate, and/or erotic friend. These days it's even a challenge to see friends, and as far as seeing family of origin goes, well, that takes months to gear up for!

Anyway, when I'm going through a rough time emotionally, there's very little outside of my day to day obligations I have the energy or interest for. But there's always room, time, and energy to write - always. Music is my art and my work but writing is my medicine, my craft, and my joy. I feel like Barbra Streisand, who has always felt like an actress who sings, but whom the world has always seen as a singer who acts. I feel like a writer who's seen as a singer, and who feels she "should" be a successful one - whatever that means.

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, sex ;)

I go to xhamster and FetLife no matter how I feel emotionally.

But what's been bumming me out and bringing me down is the little things that make it not fun sometimes - the messages when I've asked for only comments - and requested NO messages. The friend invites from people with cock pics as their avatars. I had to finally decided and post in my profile that I'm no longer accepting friend requests from those. I don't want to see cock pics at all, let alone all the time and on my own beautiful profile.

I'm highly annoyed by messages from 20-somethings who want to cam and chat and correspond and kik and skype, ALL of which I say on my profile that I DON'T do.

So today I realized I really want to be on xhamster and FetLife. I know this because normally I'd be gone! But I want to stay and tweak my profile to minimize these occurrences.

I also can see that I want to be at both sites because I was able to immediately recognize that:

  1. Messages have reduced significantly since I updated my profile requesting comments only and NO messages. So some people ARE reading, paying attention, and honoring my request!

  2. I don't feel overwhelmed when I think about the prospect of revising my profile as needed. I feel calm and somewhat excited about it. That's a good sign!

  3. I don't see an end in sight insofar as my work of this sort goes. I'm here to work on sexual writing (erotica, pornography, sexuality, all with feminist and spiritual sensibilities and with special focus on various other issues including recovery from abuse/addiction; sobriety, eating disorders, mental health issues such as bipolar disorder and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, recovery from religious oppression and homophobia - all issues I have dealt with and continue to deal with…), and I am so happy and eager to have and use these two venues at this time. If at such a time others present themselves as better venues for my writing, I will switch to them, but for now, I'm putting my energies into using the forums of xhamster, FetLife, and blogspot for my sexual writing.

That said, I hope you're enjoying your sex life!

Remember that an orgasm a day keeps the doctors away, and a smile for everyone, helps everyone!

Play safe and thanks for listening ;)

Oh, here's the music stuff I promised ya :)

Remember, you can always hear my music online at CD Baby:

And you can also hear them, plus my spoken word guided meditations at Bandcamp:

If you have a Spotify account (downloads there are 90% of my musical download income!), you can find my music here: (Source:

Everything else, including my blogs, both erotic and non, can be found at my official website

NOW, I'll say g'night, and thanks for your continued support of my art/work, and therefore, life,

Amrita Waterfalls aka Endowed Goddess

© 2016 by Amrita Waterfalls (aka Cassendre Xavier). All rights reserved.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Friday Breakfast for My slave 2

An erotic and true adventure...

Conjured, Experienced, Expressed & Written (for a forthcoming book) by Amrita Waterfalls (Endowed Goddess)

You must have a FetLife account (free) to read this work at:

Comments (on Fet) welcome!


Wednesday, April 13, 2016

half-slip & wifebeater (new erotic poem)

by Amrita Waterfalls

you really haven't lived

until you have met your man

at the door wearing nothing

but a half-slip

and a pair of sexy

high heels


or a men's tank top

(commonly and offensively known

as a "wifebeater" shirt)

and nothing else

but a pair of sexy

high heels


your man

works hard all day

and spends much of that time thinking

about clean


delicious wet pussy

and the next one

he can get into

your man

works hard all day

and this

this is the least

you can do

© 2016 by Cassendre Xavier (aka Amrita Waterfalls, aka Endowed Goddess). All rights reserved. For more information, please visit

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Thanks, Spotify Users! (Mo' Money in March!)

Dear Friends!

On March 20, CD Baby sent me a payment of $211.87, for the sales of my music sold through them and through the following:

The direct ACH deposit was to pay you:
$44.63 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$30.87 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$30.11 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$29.37 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$16.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$15.41 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$15.12 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$14.80 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$14.72 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$0.64 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Amazon MP3
$0.04 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$0.03 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through iTunes Match - Americas
$0.02 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Deezer
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Yandex
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Yandex
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Yandex
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through YouTube Music
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through iTunes - Apple Music - Australia
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify
$0.01 for DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION SALES through Spotify

As you see, the lioness's share of the sales of my music downloads are from Spotify. Thank you to all of whom who buy my  music through there, and for yours and other's convenience, I'm including the link for future sales. Thank you!

Cassendre Xavier on Spotify:


Thank you for your continued support of my art/work, and therefore, life!

Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier
(aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls, aka Endowed Goddess)
"renaissance negresse"
(Multi-Media Healing Artist & Award-Winning Community Cultural Arts Organizer)
Founder & executive director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003 and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002 
Official website:


Saturday, April 2, 2016

How I Became A Domme: Part 1: Training as a sub

Conjured, Experienced, Expressed, and Written by Amrita Waterfalls

(The following is an excerpt from a forthcoming book. Stay tuned or get on my email list through my link at the end of this message. Thanks!)

How I Became A Domme: Part 1: Training as a sub

I had no idea I was a Domme. Others saw it in me before I did.

I was a late 20s, bisexual and recently former "baby dyke" who had had mostly crushes on boys and men and been boy-crazy my entire life in this female body. Even in my eight full years of living as a Lesbian, my eye for masculine male-types never wavered. I think for this reason I thought I was submissive. But I never thought of myself as submissive.

 When I joined Philly's BDSM community in the mid 1990s, I attracted men who were always submissive. I assumed they were drawn to me because of my broad shoulders and butch appearance in the black t-shirts, black jeans, and black steeltoe boots I wore most of the time back then. I had had kinky tendencies and fantasies going back into childhood (we kinksters usually find crumbs of proof of our predilections very early in our lives!), so it was good to join a community of like-minded adults with whom to socialize, play, and also occasionally make love.

I was in the kink community, attending fetish events, and meeting new friends and people I was attracted to and who were attracted to.

I didn't know who or what I was or what I was looking for. Over time I discovered I was a switch, and while I found certain men in the kinky world very attractive (straight male crossdressers and very butch gay men), I had no attraction to the ones who came to me wanting me to flog or otherwise top them. I just wasn't interested, because I also had discovered I wasn't a Top. I had absolutely no interest in being that goddamn athletic in my sex! Who wants to work all day and then come to bed with a partner to then labor some more? Oh no, son. I am not the one!

I remember the moment I realized I was very attracted to Dominant Men. I was at a Café Kink when I saw him walk by. I liked everything I saw about him, including his tight black jeans, and slim suede flogger that swung from his hip.

That's when I began my journey as a sub.

I began using the personals, seeking to meet Dominant Men. I went on many dinner dates and interviewed many men, many of whom were general contractors or otherwise self-employed in skilled labor fields. Many of them had anti-government conspiracy theories and I surmised they weren't actually Dominant Men seeking submissive women in the BDSM sense, but just guys who wanted to be able to rule the roost. None of those first dates ever yielded a second. But I did learn a lot as I moved on to more sophisticated and accurate methods of seeking Dominant Men.

For years I attempted to find a man with whom to explore my never-used submissive energy. I did meet three (two at fetish events), and one from the Philadelphia Weekly personals.

 I did have the experience of training under those men, but I never actually became a submissive. Apparently I didn't have the makings of a sub, which I didn't realize at the time and only recently realized as I was surprisingly plucked from the universe to seek out from myself and begin taking on the role of Dominant Woman, or Domme.

When I say "Training as a sub" I don't mean the training as I received as a submissive. I mean the training as a Domme I received in trying to be a sub.

In the years I tried to be a sub, going against what I now know to be My True Dominant Nature, I observed a lot from the Dominants I knew and to a more or less efficient degree, served.

Because of the years I spent yearning for certain things from the Dominants I served, I have keen insight to how to speak to My submissives, and get into their heads to best maximize their desires and skills for My benefit and pleasure, which then pleases us all.

Because it took me years as a sub to learn what kind of Dominants I was most compatible with (for instance, I was into domestic service, not sexual submissiveness, and into sensual domination, not pure sadomasochism), I am now very good at learning what My submissives want and are compatible with.

One of my thrills in training My slave 2, for instance, is observing things about him that even he wasn't aware of. For instance, he'd always said he hated pain (but would tolerate it for the pleasure of the Dominant he was serving). I told him that I thought he actually was into pain, just not physical pain. So, he was a masochist, but enjoyed emotional and psychological "pain" administered in a safe way within the context of a controlled scene, only. He agreed and was very appreciated of the discovery, which also surprised him.

Things like this happen between My slave 2 and me often. I truly love unwrapping his psyche like a juicy book I don't want to end.

I was a submissive in training for a few years, but I never succeeded in actually becoming a submissive.

But I don't see it as a failure at all. I see it as part of my life, experiencing pleasure and challenges and new, sexy partners. It was a learning experience that informed my later recruitment and identity as a Domme.

Training as a sub made me the Domme I am today. And My submissives are well pleased and lucky.

So, who is this Amrita Waterfalls chyk anyway?

We (all of us imaginary "people"!) are so glad you asked! Here is the official spiel:

Amrita Waterfalls is "The Sexy Side of Cassendre Xavier", an award-winning self-described "renaissance negresse" and "multi-media healing artist". Cassendre says, "Amrita is completely without inhibition, shame, and/or judgment in sharing her (my) sexual experiences. When I write under that name, I have no fear in sharing all of my real life and true erotic journey. Recently I've shared with the public my porny side, "Endowed Goddess". Amrita writes about that as well. I am not a "multiple" (multiple personality), just a highly prolific and typically creative persun living with a bipolar condition and diagnosis since 1993! These are my pseudonyms to help me clarify and categorize my diverse life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading about them, and I thank you for your time."

For more information, or to get on Cassendre's email list, please visit her official website

Relief in the Office


I have removed this work because I realized it falls under a category of fetish that is more intense, or hardcore” than I’d previously thought. Because this is me, and my longtime orientation and experience, I completely didn’t notice how far from the mainstream or dominant culture it is insofar as sexuality is concerned. Of course, I will not censor or restrict myself in how I choose to share my experiences, but I am learning to put them in their right places.
For this story (true) I have chosen to keep it only at FetLife. So you will need to have an account there to read it. Here is the link:

I apologize for any inconvenience, and assure you that someday this will also be in one of my books. Thanks!

aka Amrita Waterfalls
aka Endowed Goddess

Friday, April 1, 2016

Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Chemistry, Compatibility & Timing

Dear Friends!

Please enjoy my new Wisdom Magazine article, which I've written monthly since May 2009. It's called 
Soulmate Attraction for the Rest of Us: Chemistry, Compatibility & Timing

You can read my article archives (about various topics including spirituality, raw foods, humor, and more!) at


Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier
(aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls, aka Endowed Goddess)
"renaissance negresse"
(Multi-Media Healing Artist & Award-Winning Community Cultural Arts Organizer)
Founder & executive director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003 and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002