Saturday, April 2, 2016

How I Became A Domme: Part 1: Training as a sub

Conjured, Experienced, Expressed, and Written by Amrita Waterfalls

(The following is an excerpt from a forthcoming book. Stay tuned or get on my email list through my link at the end of this message. Thanks!)

How I Became A Domme: Part 1: Training as a sub

I had no idea I was a Domme. Others saw it in me before I did.

I was a late 20s, bisexual and recently former "baby dyke" who had had mostly crushes on boys and men and been boy-crazy my entire life in this female body. Even in my eight full years of living as a Lesbian, my eye for masculine male-types never wavered. I think for this reason I thought I was submissive. But I never thought of myself as submissive.

 When I joined Philly's BDSM community in the mid 1990s, I attracted men who were always submissive. I assumed they were drawn to me because of my broad shoulders and butch appearance in the black t-shirts, black jeans, and black steeltoe boots I wore most of the time back then. I had had kinky tendencies and fantasies going back into childhood (we kinksters usually find crumbs of proof of our predilections very early in our lives!), so it was good to join a community of like-minded adults with whom to socialize, play, and also occasionally make love.

I was in the kink community, attending fetish events, and meeting new friends and people I was attracted to and who were attracted to.

I didn't know who or what I was or what I was looking for. Over time I discovered I was a switch, and while I found certain men in the kinky world very attractive (straight male crossdressers and very butch gay men), I had no attraction to the ones who came to me wanting me to flog or otherwise top them. I just wasn't interested, because I also had discovered I wasn't a Top. I had absolutely no interest in being that goddamn athletic in my sex! Who wants to work all day and then come to bed with a partner to then labor some more? Oh no, son. I am not the one!

I remember the moment I realized I was very attracted to Dominant Men. I was at a Café Kink when I saw him walk by. I liked everything I saw about him, including his tight black jeans, and slim suede flogger that swung from his hip.

That's when I began my journey as a sub.

I began using the personals, seeking to meet Dominant Men. I went on many dinner dates and interviewed many men, many of whom were general contractors or otherwise self-employed in skilled labor fields. Many of them had anti-government conspiracy theories and I surmised they weren't actually Dominant Men seeking submissive women in the BDSM sense, but just guys who wanted to be able to rule the roost. None of those first dates ever yielded a second. But I did learn a lot as I moved on to more sophisticated and accurate methods of seeking Dominant Men.

For years I attempted to find a man with whom to explore my never-used submissive energy. I did meet three (two at fetish events), and one from the Philadelphia Weekly personals.

 I did have the experience of training under those men, but I never actually became a submissive. Apparently I didn't have the makings of a sub, which I didn't realize at the time and only recently realized as I was surprisingly plucked from the universe to seek out from myself and begin taking on the role of Dominant Woman, or Domme.

When I say "Training as a sub" I don't mean the training as I received as a submissive. I mean the training as a Domme I received in trying to be a sub.

In the years I tried to be a sub, going against what I now know to be My True Dominant Nature, I observed a lot from the Dominants I knew and to a more or less efficient degree, served.

Because of the years I spent yearning for certain things from the Dominants I served, I have keen insight to how to speak to My submissives, and get into their heads to best maximize their desires and skills for My benefit and pleasure, which then pleases us all.

Because it took me years as a sub to learn what kind of Dominants I was most compatible with (for instance, I was into domestic service, not sexual submissiveness, and into sensual domination, not pure sadomasochism), I am now very good at learning what My submissives want and are compatible with.

One of my thrills in training My slave 2, for instance, is observing things about him that even he wasn't aware of. For instance, he'd always said he hated pain (but would tolerate it for the pleasure of the Dominant he was serving). I told him that I thought he actually was into pain, just not physical pain. So, he was a masochist, but enjoyed emotional and psychological "pain" administered in a safe way within the context of a controlled scene, only. He agreed and was very appreciated of the discovery, which also surprised him.

Things like this happen between My slave 2 and me often. I truly love unwrapping his psyche like a juicy book I don't want to end.

I was a submissive in training for a few years, but I never succeeded in actually becoming a submissive.

But I don't see it as a failure at all. I see it as part of my life, experiencing pleasure and challenges and new, sexy partners. It was a learning experience that informed my later recruitment and identity as a Domme.

Training as a sub made me the Domme I am today. And My submissives are well pleased and lucky.

So, who is this Amrita Waterfalls chyk anyway?

We (all of us imaginary "people"!) are so glad you asked! Here is the official spiel:

Amrita Waterfalls is "The Sexy Side of Cassendre Xavier", an award-winning self-described "renaissance negresse" and "multi-media healing artist". Cassendre says, "Amrita is completely without inhibition, shame, and/or judgment in sharing her (my) sexual experiences. When I write under that name, I have no fear in sharing all of my real life and true erotic journey. Recently I've shared with the public my porny side, "Endowed Goddess". Amrita writes about that as well. I am not a "multiple" (multiple personality), just a highly prolific and typically creative persun living with a bipolar condition and diagnosis since 1993! These are my pseudonyms to help me clarify and categorize my diverse life experiences. I hope you enjoy reading about them, and I thank you for your time."

For more information, or to get on Cassendre's email list, please visit her official website

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