Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Microcosm of Life: FetLife & The Choice to Love It

FetLife is a microcosm of life to me in several ways. I think because it is a concentration of a small segment of the general population, I have intense experiences here. FetLife is "life concentrate" to me in some ways, probably also because I am an introvert and there is so much contact here.
 It seems to me I am being presented with a choice to actively love FetLife. It will and does disappoint, frustrate, and annoy me. It doesn't have "the (one) answer" and it won't fix all of my problems. Like people and like life itself, it just wants to be loved, consistently and with discernment and discipline when needed, but without rash or harsh judgment.
 I imagine if I choose to love FetLife or the community here, I will expand that love and dedication outward. I may find I am more loving, gentle, patient and forgiving with others, and with myself. 
 I don't know why I am the way I am or what FetLife will do for me but I do know there is a chance for good things to happen, if I let and help them be, instead of frighten them away.
 There is a lot of fear in me and I can choose other options. Perhaps this is a good place to learn and perhaps teach through sharing and encouragement. 

=======================
My links:

MUSIC
* [Music downloads][http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre]
* [Music "listening room"][http://cassendrexavier.bandcamp.com]

WRITING
* [Wisdom Magazine articles][http://tinyurl.com/CXWisdom]

YOUTUBE 

SOCIAL NETWORKING
 
FOR PATRONS & SUPPORTERS
* Checks and money orders may be mailed to a Philadelphia address (address and Payable To information available upon requestation). My Patrons become my pen pals, and I also welcome moneyless cards and letters of support and appreciation!

  To my patrons and supporters: I consider myself a multi-media healing artist, and I thank you for your continued support of my art/work, and therefore, life!





--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Thursday, October 5, 2017

Young, Naked Guys and their Cocks

What I think when I see pics of young (20s) naked guys and their cocks is: 

(Feeling annoyed and somewhat threatened):

"Yeah. That's nice. Now why don't you go out there and make some humyns?"

Dick does nothing for me.
Unless it's attached to an unattached, mature man that I love.
Absolutely nothing, except annoy and threaten me. 
That's why I hate cock pics. 

I love men. Cocks just happen to come with the package, but cocks are entirely unnecessary to me for the most part.


--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Orgasm and Possession

A sweetie told me on our most recent date that he would like me to stay in our embrace when I climax, instead of disengaging. 
 We have been seeing one another for well over a year and are very affectionate physically and emotionally as well as close intellectually. In other words we have a certain level of intimacy. 
 But until he mentioned it I hadn't considered my immediate disengaging a problem because it's what I have always done (the sensations of orgasm are so intense that I usually like to separate until everything has calmed down), and because I had muchly improved as time passed with us and we became more intimate emotionally. Now, soon after disengaging I reach for or clasp him to me for a close embrace. I used to move clear across the bed and even put a wall of pillows between us!
 I have always kept my orgasms to myself, and sometimes I have even avoided orgasm altogether because I didn't want to "give" the persun that, or be vulnerable with him.
 I think there are also different kinds of sex, and if I had more of what I call PVI (penile-vaginal intercourse)" I might consider being held continuously from climax through cool-down. 
 But my sex is receiving oral and something about doing the climax through cool-down thing with my partner's face all up in my pumpum feels incredibly threatening.

So my questions are:

* 1) Do you liken orgasm with giving your power away?
* 2) Is there a correlation between how close you are with a partner and how you experience your orgasms with them? 

Thanks for thinking about it, and I look forward to reading and responding to your answers!



--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Monday, October 2, 2017

Too Much for One Man (Polyamory)

There are two types of lovers in this world: those who seek to be picked up, and those who do the picking up. I have always been the latter.
 It's a combination of my authentic personality plus my sexual trauma history - I need to be the chooser. I often feel threatened by men coming on to me, or annoyed and turned off at best. I cannot stand over-confident men, which even goes into the nationalities I am most or least attracted to. 
 The poly world is very friendly to bold and sassy female types who enjoy flirting. 
 Another thing I was thinking recently about why poly works for me is because I'm an intense woman with a lot of energy. The reason I do well in poly love is because I easily navigate and organize multiple relationships. 
 When I was in my teens and early 20s, it was challenging to deal with my intensity in one on one relationships. I was socially reared to play hard to get and be mostly unavailable to my one boyfriend at a time. It was very difficult to not call and just wait and say no to dates I wasn't asked on with enough notice.
 My intense focus was too much for some men I attempted to date, and I felt bad about myself for not behaving "better."
 But in my late 20s I embraced my true self and subsequently found kinky freaky nice folks I could play and have relationships with.
 I find now, at 48, with a busy schedule and several relationships of various kinds, I find my attention level is just right, perfect, and exactly what I was socially taught that men like: just enough and not too much. I am too busy with my schedule to over-focus on one man, and men love that shit!
 And I am too focused on other men to over-focus on one. When it is time to manifest a different kind of relationship, monogamous or not, then this dynamic will change. 
 But for now, I and my lucky partners, servants, and playmates, are perfectly, imperfectly happy!


Tags: polyamorous, poly, non-monogamous, monogamy,  Kamala, Devi


--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Wednesday, September 27, 2017

I take my sex very seriously

I take my sex very seriously.
That's why:

* I didn't fuck till it was right. And apparently it wasn't gonna be right till I was in my 30s!
* It takes me weeks to screen a partner, whom I process like an applicant.
* Most of my casual hook-ups become significant, often long relationships.
* I have gone long periods without partnership, because I would rather wait for good sex than settle for less.

Sex, good and often even great sex is a big, wonderful and essential part of my life. 
 It fuels my creativity, gives me strength for my dreams, and provides an outlet for me to add more love love and joy to the world via the works my sexual energy and output produce.

Long live the orgasm!






--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Tuesday, August 22, 2017

I'm becoming one of those chyks

The ones who demand money up front
For the room deposit
The ones who have wishlists

I'm putting out so much value
I'm becoming more in demand

And there are becoming more and more
time wasters
Who just want to talk
and maybe make plans
That they maybe follow through on

And maybe not

The thing is I've been spoiled
For the most part and I mean 95%
My screening system has yielded only good guys
Super compatible, mature, professional
Reliable

Since that's what I've been used to
I haven't asked for much
And since I wasn't doing much here other than
Being myself with my profile
I didn't generate such an overwhelming
Amount of response

But now.
Now things are different.
Now I need limits
Now I've said to two men in one day:

Pay me first
Nothing happens
Until the room is paid for

Nothing continues
Until you have deposited funds
For the time and attention I so generously give
Without thinking

Enough

I will continue to enjoy being a sweet
and generous girl
A wet wild woman ready for pleasure

But from now on
You will pay

Monday, August 21, 2017

100 Questions

So I did this silly little survey in case someone would think it would be fun to read/ Enjoy and click the link at the end if you would like to do one as well :)

Name?: It depends
Nicknames?: It depends
Age?: Quite youthful 48
Single/Taken?: Polyamorous 
Are you happy with that?: Yes
How many kids do you want to have?: None at this time
What would you name them?: N/A
Do you have a best friend?: Close friend
Are they a guy/chick?: Male
Do they like you more than a friend?: It's coomplicated
Do you drink?: No
Do you like to party?: No
Do you smoke?: No
What do you smoke?: Nothing
Have you ever been in LOVE?: Yes
Do you believe in love?: Yes
Have you ever had your heart broken?: Yes
Who was your last boyfriend/girlfriend?: My current nesting companion
Are you happy that you are no longer together?: We still are, in a sense
Do you hate him/her for that?: Mixed feelings
What is your favortie band/singer?: Sade
What is your favorite song?: My song "Run to You"
What is your favorite movie?: Flashdance
What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?: butter anything with the nuts picked out
What is your favorite color?: fuchsia
Who is your best friend?: Myself
Do you know everything about them?: Hardly!
How many siblings do you have?: Classified
Are you happy with that?: Yep
What are you listening to right now?: TV
What was your last drink?: water
Who was your last kiss?: My nesting companion
Who was your last hug from?: nesting companion
What is your favorite food?: mangoes
Do you have more guy/girl friends?: I don't have friends, I have submissives, partners,colleagues, and creative collaborators, etc
Would you date any of your friends?: My lovers are my friends
Is this survey getting on your nerves?: Not really :)
What was the last thing you watched on T.V?: Snapped
Do you know who E.T is?: Yes
Do you believe in aliens?: A little
Do you believe that all cheaters will always be cheater?: Yes
Do you believe in dying becasue of lost love?: Not clear enough a question
Have you ever had someone close to you die?: Yes
What was his/her name?: There have been several
How did you know one another?: We met various ways
Have you ever "Jump shake your booty, Jump, Jump shake your booty"?: Nnnnnnope!
What kind of cell phone do you have?: ZTE Android
Who was your last txt from?: My nesting companion
Your second?: ?
Your fifth?: ?
Your ninth?: ?
What did you last txt say?: No
Your second?: ?
Your fifth?: ?
Your ninth?: ?


One or the other...not both...

pepsi/coke?: Pepsi
white/cream chocolate?: white/cream
love/lost?: love
money/love?: love
friends/money?: friends
family/friends?: friends
pens/pencils?: pens
Hawthorne Heights/Atreyu?: ?
Lindsay Lohan/Hilary Duff?: Neither
All Time Low/AFI?: ?
computer/music?: computer
camera/computer?: computer


RANDOM!!!

last person you slept with?: My nesting companion 
last person you ate with?: nesting companion
last person you hit?: I don't hit people
last person you cried over?: My late partner
last person you hugged?: nesting companion
last person you kissed?: nesting companion
last person you said "I LOVE YOU" to?: Myself, hugging in the mirror
did you mean it?: Heavens yes!
probably not right?: Wrong, I did mean it
last relationship lasted?: Still in it - over a year
last hookup lasted?: Same thing - over a year
last party was where?: Several years if at all


ONE WORD...to describe...

last party was:: nonexistent
band:: Mine
needles:: sharp
spaghetti:: yummy
flyleaf:: ?
senses fail:: ?
ll cool j:: smart
rap:: revolutionary
rock:: cool
metal:: cold
love:: essential
relationships:: valuable
school:: education
work:: --
cell phones:: --
boyfriend/girlfriend/alone:: partners
this survey:: --
friends:: chosen




--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Friday, August 18, 2017

Sexual Healing with the Angels (article & audio)

Sexual Healing with the Angels
(c) 2014 by
​Amethyste's Rah aka Cassendre Xavier and published at www.Wisdom-Magazine.com (links for article and audio at the bottom of the page)

Sexual Healing with the Angels

Why is it that there are so many angel healers, angel channelers, angel communicators, angel books, angel authors, angel guided meditation recording artists, angel visual artists, and none of them dealing with sexual issues?

I have been reading about the angels and studying many works by many angel specialists. I have been working, connecting, and healing with the angels for many years. Yet, whenever I look into the index of a book about angels, there is nothing on "Sexuality" at all.

As I wrote in my Wisdom Magazine article ["How to Tell if You Are Ready to Write Self-Help"][http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/3597/] one of the ways to tell if you're meant to lead in a certain area of your life is if there is no one out there providing what you need. As many authors have said, including Nobel Prize-winning novelist Toni Morrison, if the book you need isn't there, you must write it.

Well, I realized that my path as a lightworker and healing artist has led me to write about angels and sexual healing.

The angels are a proven spiritual tool for all people, and you can apply them to sexual healing. Whether you are religious, spiritual, New Age, pagan, agnostic, or even atheist, the angels work for everyone who asks. You can learn how, since the angels can help in every area of your life from relationships, to finances, to health and fulfilling your life purpose.

Angels can also help with recovering from sexual abuse, healing internalized homophobia, stopping self-sabotage, improving your body image, and attracting and selecting a sexually healthy and compatible lover.

Here are some basic steps to healing sexuality-related issues in your life, with the loving healing and guidance from the angels:

1) Don't wait to "get right with God". The angels are the arms, hands, and thoughts of a God which never judges nor condemns you. If you received negative messages about your sexuality and religion, the angels want you to know they never sent those! The angels know and see you only as the divine and wholly lovable being God created to be, exactly as you are. Relax, and let the angels help heal your heart and your sex life!

2) Allow the healing to be simple. While you may be inspired to try Tantra or take a class on relationships, or start therapy or counseling, the angels never make any healing or progress a lot of difficult work. Instead, you'll give given small steps to take along the way, which will build up to great results, if you follow the angels' Divine guidance. Also, sometimes you will simply be relieved of a condition simply by asking and believing. Never underestimate the power of God's angels!

3) Don't wait until you're an "angel expert". You do not need to know the names of every single archangel known to every humyn culture that ever lived. You do not need to know what colors their halos or auras are, nor their specialties, nor anything else that requires more work than your natural interest or schedule allows. All people, without exception, have a connection to, and can communicate with, angels. And in fact, we each have at least two very powerful guardian angels, and many more angels and ancestor/spirit guides with us. Just the fact that you're breathing, just being alive qualifies you to connect and heal with your angels. All you need to do to begin the dialogue is say or even just think the word, "Angels". The rest is just as easy (except for the occasional act of courage that may be required of you for a specific task)!

4) Don't be shy. The angels don't know shame or guilt and they certainly don't see you with any of those things. The angels only know love, joy, and they love to work for God, and assist all of us who ask. Many of us have asked the angels for big things, like attracting love and right partnership, or improving our health and joyful livelihood, and we've asked them for small favors, like finding objects. We are used to praying to God for these things, too. But we haven't been taught how to incorporate God and the angels into our sexual life. Thanks to Tantra, we know we can incorporate spirituality into our sex lives. And now, thanks to the increasing awareness of angel communication and connecting with the angels as a spiritual practice, we can now look to this non-denominational God-source to also heal and improve our sexual lives as well. It will take some courage to get specific with yourself, and learn to talk to God about, and ask the angels for exactly what you want when it comes to sex and your expression of it. But remember, God created sex, and the angels were created by God to serve and assist us in all things, including sex. Wholesome, hot, spiritually-enriched, Divine, partner-connected sex can be yours – just be willing to ask for more. You are a beloved child of God, and you deserve it!

5) Don't delay. The angels want us to remember to ask for what we want in the present. They want us to remember that our power is in the now. So, even if you don't know how you'll become the sexually empowered or sexually healthier person you'd like to be, don't wait to ask the angels to show you how. Even as you read this, you can think, "Angels, please help me," and they've already begun. Remember, you already know everything you need to know to work with the angels and become all you've ever wanted to be, in every area of your life (in and out of the boudoir!).

Read this online, including author's bio [here][http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/3645/]

You can listen to me read it on YouTube with beautiful background music [here][https://youtu.be/kwFYpwIjj_8]

Soulmate Attraction: Be Yourself

SOULMATE ATTRACTION: Being yourself is enough. It is unnecessary and counter-productive to try to be more like someone else. 

--
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Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Kitchen Masturbation: Service Top Fantasy

I like to gestate erotic connection between dates or sessions with my subs.

I will be meeting one in the next few weeks, and I haven't scheduled it yet, but already it is feeling very good to us where it counts. We text every day and he is super super sweet.



I've also been spending time on Fet and getting quite aroused by what I see - all these hot people who are freaks like me and so very sexy and smart, funny, and often wise. Seeing so many people who are my physical type and playing the way I play is such a turn on...



I was about to leave for my day's appointments and errands, but couldn't in my state. I had to relieve my sexual tension, but I couldn't use the bed because my nesting partner was in there napping. I thought of using the living room but his adult daughter could arrive from her errands.



I considered using the basement but it was too dark and uncomfortable.

So, I opted for the kitchen.



I removed from the cabinet a little saucer, and went into the cabinet above the stove for my EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) to use as lube.



I poured a little of the oil onto the saucer.



I closed the curtains and blinds in the kitchen and dinette area, and went to lean against the counter where the dishwasher was.



Standing I undid my cuffed denim short-shorts, and pulled them and my black lace pantied down only far enough to reach my left hand in under them. But first, I dipped my fingers into the oil.

Dipping and rubbing, I spread my hairy pussy lips to find my clit and began to rub. I kept rubbing and circling and rubbing and first had a fantasy about a sweetie I do have a date with soon... next week in fact. He had just written me that answering my question of how he wanted to spend our date, go out, go to a movie, museum, dinner, etc. - thinking about it gave him an erection, so he knew he wanted to have sex first when we meet, and then go out... Recalling the times recently he has told me things like that - how he physically responds to my words, made me wet and I mixed that in with the oil as I rubbed a little harder and faster...

I had more fond memories of him and how much I enjoy his passion and sensuality when we are in bed together- he fully envelopes my body with these arms that don't look freakishly long when we're out of bed but somehow seem to wrap all around and over my large brown body.



Soon I was breathing harder and harder, and I had another fantasy about my trainee that inspired my writing "Boyfriend-Girlfriend Fantasy" recently.



This time I recalled seeing a Fet profile of a man I found attractive, who described himself as a "service" top.

I loved that concept! I fantasized about making my submissive seduce and take me passionately when we meet next... Not even letting me get to the bed - just kissing and then pulling my pants down at the hotel room's kitchen counter, and going down on me on his knees while I stand. I came this way, not worrying about making little gaspy and yipping sounds, knowing that my partner sleeps and snores loudly and would not likely be awakened, and if he did hear me cum, he'd enjoy it.



I put the dish of oil, from which I had been periodically dipipng, into the sink, pulled my pants up, and went upstairs to get ready to go out. I laughed a couple of times, and felt the erotic and healthful aftereffects of my orgasm for over an hour.



During my errands I texted my trainee that I had just masturbated to thoughts of him, and later I emailed my date to let him know he was in my mind during the first half of it. I enjoy being attentive to my play/partners and sweeties. They return the attention with a great deal of ability in pleasuring me.



From the FetLife BDSM Glossary:

[service Top (see Top): A Top whose focus is on giving a bottom what s/he desires.]












Lime Armpit Lick

One of my scent fetishes is armpits (not just any I'm picky!) and one day during sex with my late partner I went downstairs and got a thick slice of lime, which I then returned with and squeezed on his deliciously fragrant armpit/ After that I licked it and we both really got into it!
 Highly recommened even if you aren't a major lime lover like me!


--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Sunday, August 13, 2017

Reincarnation and physical/kink/karmic attraction

[Disclaimer:

The following will be pretty esoteric and may sound odd to many but not to New Age/lightworker/spiritual practitioner/professional or similar folks who have done past life regression, spiritual mediumship, etc. Please read with a very open mind, which as a kinkster ought to come more easily for you than most, heh-heh!]



Hi, folks!



I've been thinking a lot lately that reincarnation (which I believe in) could explain a lot about our attraction to certain physical features in people, or kinky behaviors in our sex lives. I have done this work and I know why I am so attracted to certain physical features in, and cultures of people.

I love being a Black Womon, and would come back in this body for whatever reasons my soul chose to return for further evolution.

But I do know I feel a very strong connection with people of certain physical features and cultural backgrounds.



Thoughts? (And be nice if sharing, please, thanks!)



#1 Do you believe in reincarnation?

#2 Have you done past life regression? (Self-study included, with guided meditation recording, through a spiritual medium, etc. I did mine with Doreen Virtue's Past Life Regression recording [here][https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2/139-0444995-0550120?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=doreen+virtue+past+life]. She's my primary angel teacher and mentor of many years. Prior to that I had read books on discoviring your past lives and did a lot of meditations and writings on them - a largely self-discovery path).

#3 Have you ever thought about why you are attracted to certain people or kinky activities?

#4 Have you explored the karmic implications or possibilities in your relationships or attractions, insofar as reincarnation goes?



I look forward to hearing from you, and please post here rather than message me privately, if you can. But if you absolutely must message me about this, I will write back, but only if you're nice, and if you can't be nice then at least be submissive :)



-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com

I am here for Love

I joined FetLife to give more love to the world

and to let my love be visible to those

who would enjoy, honor, and cherish it

Whether as fans of my music, or my writing

Or my big fat beautiful

black glossy tasty CLIT!

That is my greatest sexual endowment

hence my name



I am here for love

To celebrate my love of writing

To enjoy community

To build and build and build

However I can



To meet folks for pleasure

to connect

to heal myself and to support

others on their own path of healing

and self-empowerment

manifestation

and magick



I am here for love

Love of sex, love of pleasure

Casual sex

is not casual

for me



I have met several

significant partners

Lifelong connections

By meeting for the sole purpose

Of giving me orgasms

The ways and only the ways I wish

Our common goal brought us together

And mutual interests and natural compatibility

Kept us there



I am not here for sex

I can get that anywhere

Just walking down the street

It is offered to most wimmin

And especially those with a vibe

Like mine

A vibe of enjoyment

of life and of living

People feel that shit

and they wanna get close to it



If I wanted sex I would go elsewhere

and that's what I did in the past

That's how I found my significant partners then



Now I find them here

Because I am here for love

I am here for love

I attract it



That means I also must spend time repelling

That which is not love

But attraction of others to the light

which my love and interst in expressing joy

attracts



If you like my pics and stuff

I am flattered

But make no mistake, that is not enough

That isn't why I am here

I'm not here to hook up with

people who are not my match

I'm not here just to do sexual THINGS

I am not here for the physical

application of kink alone



I am here to connect with like-minded partners

friends, playmates, submissives

To access and express my natural dominance

To be more of myself

I am here to connect with myself

To express my love of writing

and to work on my goals with the support

of other kinksters

while supporting them in theirs



And when this happens

in addition to natural sexual attraction

that is mutual

THEN the fireworks happen

And not a moment before

Because I



I am here for love.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Confession: Female Crotch Sniffing Curiosity

I'm a very kinky bunny and I'm here to write, so if not here, where? I feel a little self-conscious sharing this, but I am also glad to finally get it out!
=============
So, yesterday I was walking around on my errands, taking public transportation, etc., and I all of a sudden noticed that I had looked at maybe the third female crotch and wondered what it might smell like. That's perhaps not so unusual except I suddenly not only remembered that I have always been like this, even as a wee lass of perhaps 12 or 13 I occasionally would wonder what a woman's crotch smelled like, and did it smell like mine. 
 Years later, in my early 20s I would discover for the first time, or at least come close to it / I was clothes shopping in a mall with my best female friend (platonic), a pretty, heavyset black girl in her early 20s like me, and we were in one stall together/ She had just removed her pants to try on another pair, and I detected a change in temperature of the room - it was slightly warmer/ And I noted a slightly musky, not unpleasant but not sweet fragrance/ 
 There is something about the intimacy, I think, that I find attractive in the act of smelling a(nother) woman's crotch, and might I add I have never done this directly, intentionally, nor do I seek to/ I merely have a curiosity, and I believe it's a healthy, totally understandable one - to be curious to know if someone else's body smells like yours/ Especially in this homophobic, puritanical society (USA)/ We are not accustomed to having others of our gender around us enough to know about their, and in turn, our bodies/ I feel even worse for guys/ They grew up with even less access to one another as boys developing into men/
 Being bisexual and very oral, I have enjoyed eating pussy and the soft feminine scents involved in that/ But it has been many years since I have gone down on a womon, and again, I am not seeking to, but who knows what may someday develop in my persunal life/
 I just know that a lot of times when I see a woman's crotch, I want to know what it smells like/
 In preparing to write this, I asked myself what it is - and I realized it's only when I find them attractive (if they are my type/s) and if they are wearing pants or slacks, never skirts. I think it's something to do with the tightness of the garment, and the crease where it separates the legs. It draws attention to the vagina, so of course the eye is drawn to that area! I'm pretty sure it isn't just me and perhaps this is why very strict or religious people consider women wearing slacks to be inappropriate, not just for the statement of male-associated power. Anyway, that's all. If anyone can relate or want to chime in, have at it, and thanks for reading!


--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Sunday, August 6, 2017

Cloaca

Last night on the couch

My nesting companion and I

were discussing a topic he loves

raunchy sex

and phrases I'd never heard of

Such as Dirty Sanchez

Roman Soldier's Helmet

and Blumpkin


At some point for some reason

Chickens came up


"They have only one place where they

piss, shit, and fuck" he said

"Yeah, I know" was my response

"The cloaca"

"Yeah!" he replied, somehwhat surprised

"How'd you know that?"

"Oh I dunno," I said

"I learned it in school

when I was a kid"

"But" I continued

"You know way more facts than I do"


And then I said,

"Maybe I know it because...

I'm into ass"

"Hm," he mused.

He mused because he knows.


I think

I have always been kinky

Had fantasies of being dragged out

of a cave

by my hair

by some strong man

When I was a little kid

Before age 8 even


Thought about

getting pissed on

When I was an adolescent

Kinky from the start

First time I got handcuffs

The keys turned me on so much

Just to look at them

They had a very special meaning to me

Even if I never used them


Cloaca has a nice sound to it

It seems like it does something

important

It is even somehow

and strangely

classy


But it's only a hole

A skin tube made

for the passing of shit

and piss

and for fucking

For procreation god made this

And it was

Good




by Cassendre Xavier (also writing as Endowed Goddess and Amrita Waterfalls). Please share ethically!

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Boyfriend-Girlfriend Fantasy

For Lee

I had a fantasy about you today
This morning I masturbated twice
The second time I was strainin'
to cum, it just didn't happen
After fantasizing and remembering
past lovers that were particularly
able at producing
effects I enjoy having produced
in me
I thought of you

you were my warmest partner
of recent times
the most like
a boyfriend

So I imagined just that
That you were my boyfriend
Or rather, that I ordered you
to pretend that you were

I imagined that at our next meeting
The next time we get together
in a hotel room for pleasure and wet,
wet times
I imagine that I say this:

Pretend we are girlfriend and boyfriend
We have had a few dates
But we are both virgins
and don't want to go too far
We are really into each other
We have great chemistry
But there is care there
Great care
and sweetness

As I rubbed my wet pussy
wet from lube and pussy juice
and the spit from my furiously moving
finger
I imagined us going
from heavy petting and clothed
to less and less clothing
Like teenagers
until we are kissing
(which I so rarely do with casual
sex partners)
and until we are necking

I am getting really hot now
as I rub myself this morning
Think about...

...now your mouth is gently moving
down and further down
you are at my breasts
you are touching them now
and I imagine you are going slowly
and more slowly down
to my belly
and it doesn't feel like teasing
but warming the way
a building up
that I am LOVING!

Then you are finally
where I want you to be
At my crowning place
you begin to sing into there
with your pleasure and intention
to bring me the most joy there
in my happiest sexual space

The care comes again
the mutual affection
and all your respect for me

I instruct you to look up
and as I touch myself this morning
imagining your eyes looking over my large
brown belly
and beautiful breasts
dark, dark nipples

you make it to my eyes
just as I climax



© Copyright 2017 by Cassendre Xavier (Endowed Goddess aka Amrita Waterfalls). All rights reserved.

Erotic blog: http://amritawaterfalls.blogspot.com
Music: http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Yet another persun I need to block (7/31/17)

Something I posted on FetLife and xhamster:

One of my major pet peeves in life is receiving messages with infantile abbreviated textspeak. I am a writer and I am over the age of 40. I want full words, goddammit, if not sentences!
 Another major pet peeve is getting unwanted sexual attention from black men, because it triggers my sexual abuse issues and also because for various reasons including culture, young black men in particular seem extremely bold in their approaches to wimmin. I always feel as if they see me and all young or youngish black wimmin as their property. One of the reasons I am so comfortable with white men is they never do that. I don't even see that in white culture. Sure, a white guy may hit on a white womon, but it's not done on the predatory-collector scale I see it done by young black men.
 It's a complex issue and a controversial one to talk about but this is a safe place for me to air my views and feelings perhaps for the very first time.

Which brings me to today's edition of "Yet another persun I had to block!"

I just received this message:

"Hi hru :)"

The author's profile appeared as follows:

Profile pic: Selfie of bottom half of face, enough to see a light-skinned black man with a goatee. Conventionally good-looking, but triggering to me because he is black and also because he is way too darned young.

More pics: None.

Orientation, relationship status, or D/s status info: None.

Very few friends. Following about 30 people. Commented on some pics, including, "I can be ur daddy!" which is far from the submissive demeanor I am compatible with.

I see he is really not interested in the English language, and I respond:

"I appreciate positive attention but as my profile states ("Interracial Only") the only kind of men I date are over 40 (usually and preferably in their 50s) and white.
I strongly recommend you read people's profiles going forward, as this is a community and many of us put a lot of time, care, and effort into creating our profiles to reflect most accurately who we are and what kind of partners we intend to attract.
It is disrespectful to ignore our efforts and barrel forth carelessly and selfishly.
It would be wise to be on the lookout for this going forward, and approach people who would be much more compatible with you.
Best wishes."

Thanks for letting me share and vent!

And for the record I do enjoy me a black man... When I'm watching him sexually annihilate a white womon who is loving every minute of it! (Is that wrong? Rhetorical question, Ha!!!)

☺☺☺

P.S. And I know a lot more of you will enjoy and/or relate to this than you may feel comfortable acknowledging publicly. I can dig it. I grew up on Howard Stern and like him I have few limits insofar as content goes. I am also very sensitive and intuitive. I know my work is appreciated whether the love is visible or not. I can feel it! 



--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Monday, July 31, 2017

Sex Breaks the Ice

Sex breaks the ice

Not messaging back and forth forever
with little tiny
sentences

Not going out together
for dinner
or to a
kinky munch

The bedroom
is the testing ground
The place where we find out
iff'n we
will meet again, daddy O
Or just hit it n' quit it

But because so much
has to happen beforehand
to determine compatibility
Because I can tell right away
If I'm into a deud or not
An unpleasant encounter
very rarely happens

Because right away
a man will either
write and relate to me
in a way that either fits
or it does not fit
By the time I've said yes
to making plans
When we actually do meet
and we find ourselves in that
blessed position
of man under womon
or on top as I recline to receive
sweet sweet service
The ecstasy of release
That has absolutely nothing
to do with cock
By then already on its way
is friendship
if not a love or a lust
Connection.

© Copyright 2017 by Cassendre Xavier (Endowed Goddess aka Amrita Waterfalls). All rights reserved.

Erotic blog: http://amritawaterfalls.blogspot.com
Music: http://cdbaby.com/all/cassendre



--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Saturday, July 29, 2017

The Meaning of My Name (Endowed Goddess)

A FetLife member just messaged me:

"Sorry to bother you but what does Endowed Goddess mean?"

To which I respondified (aka "respondicated"):

"Hello!
Thanks for asking and you were not bothering me. Your question is a good one, which has been coming up a lot and which I will address soon both in my Writings and About Me sections.

ENDOWED
For the purposes of naming myself for the fetish and porn world, and attracting compatible partners, friends, and mentors, I chose the name Endowed Goddess.
 I consider myself to be endowed in many ways, which is not bragging because these were all given to me at birth by nature. I am grateful to have them, and celebrating them is part of my life mission as well as a major component of my spiritual practice.
 The first thing I thought of when looking for a new user name was my biggest physical sexual asset: my clitoris, which is not only large but also highly sensitive and responsive.
 I named the first pic ever taken of my clit "Endowment," recognizing it right away as the beautiful work of art by Creation it is.
 Second endowment: my large, nurturing, sensual, responsive, and playful breasts.
 Third: my muscular and curvy legs.
 Fourth: my pretty feet and toes.
 Fifth: my high intelligence.
 Sixth: my high level of creative productivity 
 Seventh: my musical and literary talents

I also am highly responsive overall, intuitive, and spiritually aware and connected.

GODDESS
I embrace the idea of bringing back a female-centered spirituality, and am enjoying the process of learning to love and honor myself fully, as well as attract the perfect submissive partners for me.
It's a new journey as a child sexual abuse survivor reared in a homophobic culture (Haitian and American) and fundamentalist religious household.
 I never identified with the goddess for many reasons until learning more about goddess spirituality and religions.
 I form my own ideas and focus on healing what was broken and expressing dominance and the occasional submission in ways that are good and right for me. For me, a womon being a goddess makes natural sense, and can be a highly effective path to more self-empowerment and self-expression. 
 My path on the goddess trail is an evolving one!"


Erotic blog:

Music and guided meditations:



--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Friday, July 28, 2017

Love, Art, and Sex

For some time now I have known that my next significant romantic relationship(s) will come from my writing. I thought I was "supposed" to go to literary events and be seen and that's how I would meet him/them. Then when I set about writing more at Fet and starting my group I realized that what really mattered was the energetic output of my literary inclinations. All that matters is that I write. I don't know who will see it and be interested, but I do know that what matters is that I do it, and not focus on the writing as the answer, but as a passionate activity I would do no matter what. And I do, and I have and I always will.
My writing is part of my art and my sex life is part of my art. I came out erotically a couple of years ago, finally putting myself "out there" in ways I'd wanted to since about age 26. I decided if not now, when, and created an erotic blog and joined a couple of adult sites where I post my writings, pics, and more, in a way that few have seen at those sites. I am an artist and I like to think that is evident in all that I do.
Even my encounters become art in that I write about them, and often even recruit my partners, who often become my muses, in writing or creating them with me. My encounters are becoming collaborations in this way and it gives me great joy. I know I am on the right track to better things in my life, and more companionship and right partnership, because I am following my bliss. One sign is that I am doing it for the doing of it. When you are doing something because you love it, not looking for what you can get out of it, then everything else is extra. This means you are telling the Universe, "I have everything I need and want" and the Unverse says "Yes!" and sends you more of what you need and want!
You can learn more about my erotic journey and creations by searching "Endowed Goddess" at www.FetLife.com and www.xhamster.com. (Warning: Much of my content is explicit, so if you are a relative, you may not want to go there!)

--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Friday, July 21, 2017

My First Time: Giving a Rimjob Without a Barrier

I am a recovering germ freak
Always use a barrier
In the rare occasion that I lick
A man's nasty filthy asshole

But tonight I took a chance
On licking my partner's asshole
Freshly showered yet still
Slightly musky
Slightly spicy

I had begun as usual
With plastic wrap and lube
Then I became inspired
Removed the wrap
And began licking

It tasted sweet of glycerine
And slightly bitter
The chemical taste of lubricant

I felt the hair
On my lover's ass
Under my tongue
I reached further
And further in
I dipped my tongue
And kept my fluid flowing
Saliva from the back
of my mouth
I let fall
to keep my mouth clean
and make the surface smoother

I dipped my tongue
and loved him with my lips
and wet kisses in the crack
of his joy hole

He kept spreading wider
He was on his stomach
after I had given him a massage

With my left hand I reached under
and squeezed his balls a bit
and I continued
Spreading his ass cheeks and licking
and probing
Reaching around under his hips
to stroke his cock
I reach up and stroke his back

I tell him to turn over
On his  back I get gloves
and put them on
I put lube on my left hand
and began giving him finger
in the ass
I asked how it was
He said I could go deeper
And that I could use more lube
I got more lube and switched
to my middle, longest finger

as I pushed in, I sucked his cock
I stroked his body with my right hand
Lying on my stomach
sucked his cock
and kept my finger still at the entrance
of his ass
as he began to gyrate and thrust
slowly
fucking my finger
having it go further up and up and up

I start rubbing his stomach
he starts jacking off his dick
and responding more and more
as I kiss and rub his body affectionately
and he starts spurting semen
and is done

Then I put on my nightgown
Sit on the bed next to him
While he lies down
We talk
And I tell him it's the first time
I've ever sucked ass
Without plastic

He says, Yeah, I know
And we smile and laugh
and he strokes and holds
My left breast
Lightly stroking my now hard
nipple
The affection is sweet
as sweet as the orgasm he just had

I just wanted to enjoy your body
I tell him
He says, Well I'm glad you did


(c) Copyright by Cassendre Xavier (aka Endowed Goddess aka Amrita Waterfalls). All rights reserved and this will likely appear in a forthcoming book or other publication(s) as my online writings have for years. Visit my erotic blog at http://amritawaterfalls.blogspot.com



--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com


Wet

There are just a little
over twenty-four hours before
I meet a new friend
for various  
kinds of pleasure.

I have been wet all day
and yesterday
and the day before that.

I am so
tempted
to relieve myself,

but I will try -

try to be strong
and
wait.


(c) Copyright by Cassendre Xavier (aka Endowed Goddess aka Amrita Waterfalls). All rights reserved and this will likely appear in a forthcoming book or other publication(s) as my online writings have for years. Visit my erotic blog at http://amritawaterfalls.blogspot.com


--
-- 
Make yourself a beautiful day!

Cassendre Xavier

"renaissance negresse"

$15,000 Leeway Transformation Award-Winning musician, writer, and community cultural arts organizer.

Founder & Executive Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series (Est. 2002).

Official website: http://cassEndrExavier.wordpress.com